


(Show Me) What Gravity Means

by shrimpheavenwow



Category: Newsies - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Davey is on the swim team, Davey sounds like a dick in a lot of this but he's NOT I promise, Hurt/Comfort, I have this all planned out but we'll see if it actually works out the way I want it to lol, I love Davey, Jack is just misunderstanding him because he misunderstood Jack, M/M, Misunderstandings, Panic Attacks, Pining, Underage Sex (mentioned), i have no idea what i'm doing lmao, nothing in detail just mentioned in passing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-25
Updated: 2018-09-03
Packaged: 2019-07-02 03:43:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 18,059
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15788253
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrimpheavenwow/pseuds/shrimpheavenwow
Summary: Jack is a simple guy with simple wants, one of which is a date with his friend's hot brother. Unfortunately said brother doesn't seem too interested, romantically or platonically. Hopefully Jack can get him to like him, because he's rapidly becoming a part of the group and Jack doesn't want to be the odd one out





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Sup nerds, guess who's starting a new fic even though she hasn't finished her last one lmao. So I haven't seen the 1992 movie but I wrote Sarah into this anyway even though have no idea what her character is like? Yikes lol. I know fuck all about swim teams so if any of this is wrong blame the 4 youtube videos I watched and the tiny bit of prior experience I have.
> 
> I'm going to try to finish this as quickly as I can before school starts so expect updates pretty soon? This isn't going to be super long so I hope it won't be hard to finish. I am.....not good at writing lol but thanks for reading anyway!! Kudos and comments give me life so I'd appreciate those!! Unbeta'd so either let me know if you see any glaring mistakes or just ignore them. Hope you like it!
> 
> Title from Airhead by Seaway. Hmu on tumblr @ [broadwait](https://broadwait.tumblr.com/)

Jack was hanging out with Katherine when he first heard about Davey. 

He’d just finished a stressful week of turning in projects that his teachers decided to make due all at the same time, and was looking forward to chilling with Katherine for a while to decompress. They hadn’t planned on really doing anything, just relaxing at her apartment and maybe watching some movies. After the hectic week he’d had, he was looking forward to something calm.

He showed up at her apartment to find that her girlfriend, Sarah, had decided to surprise her and visit for the weekend. Katherine looked elated when she opened the door.

“Jack! Look who decided to stop by!!” Katherine said, grinning. Sarah waved from her spot on the couch.

“Hey Jack!” She called.

“Hey Sarah,” he responded. 

Jack was sort of disappointed by the news. It wasn’t that he didn’t like Sarah; she was wonderful and hilarious and so much fun. It was just that after the week he’d had, he had wanted to spend some time with Katherine alone. It took a lot more energy to interact with two people than just one.

It was fine though, because he could relax just as easily with both of them as he could with just one of them. He was ready to watch a movie and doze for a bit if he was being honest.

He walked inside and dropped his bag onto the floor next to the couch before plopping down next to Katherine, who’d decided she wanted to take up half the couch by laying on her girlfriend. She then changed her mind and determined that the optimal way for her to sit was sprawled out across the couch her head on Sarah’s lap and her feet in Jack’s. Jack just rolled her eyes and let her do it. 

“So Jack, how was your day?” Katherine asked.

“Exhausting,” Jack sighed. He shot her smile. “But nothing a movie or two won’t fix.”

Kath smiles and tossed him the remote that was on the arm of the couch. 

“Pull something up on Netflix.”

“What are you guys in the mood for?”

Sarah smiled. “Put on a rom com, something cute and mindless.”

Jack scrolled through until Katherine let out an excited noise from her spot in Sarah’s lap. 

“Put on Love Actually!! I haven’t seen that movie in ages.”

“Kath, it’s still September.”

“It’s never too early for the Christmas Spirit, Sarah!”   


“No offense Kath but I don’t think Sarah’s ever had Christmas spirit,” Jack joked. Sarah laughed.

“It’s true, 19 years of being Jewish will do that to you. But no, I actually watched this movie a lot when I was a teenager.”

“Why?” Jack asked. He’d known Sarah for over a year and she didn’t seem like the type to really rewatch movies a bunch.

“My brother was obsessed with it when we were 16. I never understood why. I mean, I get that it’s cute and all but he watched it everyday for almost 2 weeks that winter break.”

Jack gave her a confused look. “You have a brother? Also you were both 16? You weren’t going to tell me you have a twin??”

Katherine lifted her head up to look at Jack. “I never told you how Sarah and I met? Her brother David introduced us. He goes here.”

“Why Sarah Jacobs, you’ve been withholding information from me! I am deeply offended and expect a sincere apology.”

Sarah laughed, “I’m very sorry Jack, it will never happen again, I promise.”

“Yeah, it better not,” he said playfully punching her in the arm. He was about to turn on the movie when Sarah started talking again.

“Oh actually, while we’re talking about David, he has a swim meet tomorrow if you guys want to come? Well, I’m going to make Katherine go, so really it’s whether you want to go Jack.” They both turned to look at him.

Jack considered it. He had been planning on sleeping through Saturday and possibly Sunday but it would probably be more fun to go and do something with his friends. Besides, he’s never seen their swim team before, it might be fun. 

“Sure, why not. Just promise it won’t be boring”

“Jack, nothing’s boring when you come along.”

Jack smiled and turned on the movie. Maybe tomorrow would be fun. If not he still had all of Sunday to sleep, and who knows, maybe this guy will end up being really cool.

  


**********

  


Jack forgot how much he loved the smell of chlorine. It was a nostalgic thing mostly; he used to go swimming at the YMCA a lot when he was younger because it was cheap and something to do when the days got hot. Walking into the indoor pool for the meet was like a blast to his past and set him into a good mood already.

Katherine and Sarah had saved him a seat on the bleachers and he quickly joined them. The bleachers were in a balcony kind of area above the pool which gave them a good view of the whole room. It was pretty crowded around them. While this wasn’t a big meet, it had apparently garnered some attention from the student body. 

Jack looked around, tried to see if there was anyone else he knew here. Jack had a pretty big group of friends, all of which were pretty diverse in their interests. It was likely at least one of his friends were here. Sure enough, a few rows up on the bleachers were Race and Spot, looking down at their phones, waiting for the race to start. Spot put his arm around Race and toyed with his hair. They’d been dating for a couple of months so that wasn’t strange. What was odd was the sight of both of them at the swim meet.

Sarah tapped his shoulder to get his attention and pointed to a corner at the head of the pool. 

“David’s over there. He swims the backstroke so he’ll be competing in a bit.” 

Jack looked to where she was pointing but couldn’t pick out exactly who she was trying to pick out. It didn’t matter much now anyway, there was still a while till he swam. He stood up. 

“Hey, I’ll be right back, Race and Spot are up that way,” Jack said with a jerk of his thumb. “I’m going to go say hi.”

The girls nodded and Jack went up the aisle to their seat. He put his hand on Spot shoulder, causing him to jump. 

“Hey, how are you fellas doing today.”

The two guys registered who was speaking to them and broke into matching grins. 

“Hey Jack, how ya doing?” Race asked.

“I’m doing fine but I gotta be honest, I never expected to see you guys here. Always thought you were more of a baseball guy, Spot.”

“Oh I definitely am, we’re just here to cheer on someone we know.”

“Yeah, me too. Sarah’s brother David is on the team so I’m here with her and Katherine. Did you guys know she had a twin? Because I certainly did not.” Race’s eyes lit up.

“Yeah, course I did. He was in my English class last here, we’re friends. We’re here for him too actually.”  Jack looked at him, surprise evident on his face.

“Why does everyone else seem to know things about Sarah that I don’t?”

“Maybe if you paid more attention when she talks you would know these kinds of things,” Spot teased.

“Hey, don’t start getting on me about paying attention to people, I know for a fact that Race is only paying attention about 60% of the time. Isn’t that right Race?”

Race looked up from his phone that he’d turned back to. 

“Huh?” He asked, looking between Jack and Spot. They laughed.

“My point exactly,” Jack said. Race seemed confused for a second but shrugged it off before talking again.

“Hey, me and Spot were actually thinking about inviting David to a group thing sometime. You think he’d be into going?”

“Well I haven’t met him yet but if he’s friends with you then you should. If he likes you then you might as well introduce him to the rest of the gang. Anyway, I should get back to my seat before this thing starts, you all take care.”

Jacked headed back to his seat and waited for the meet to begin.

Watching people swim turned out to be a lot less fun than actually being in the pool itself, but Jack still had a good time. He teased Sarah about inability to do anything remotely related to physical activity. She accused him of being a dumb jock who only cared about staying fit, which, to be fair, was mostly true. Jack may be an artist but he liked staying active, It took his mind off things. Katherine was the one who alerted them that David’s heat was coming up.

Sarah pointed again to the head of the pool. “That’s him, lane three.” 

This time Jack spotted him. He was a tall guy, pretty lean, with a blue swim cap. He couldn’t pick out details about the guy from the distance, but at least now he knew who he was cheering for

The swimmers jumped in and got ready before the bell sounded. When it did, they all took off down their lanes. Jack cheered and yelled with the rest of the stand, but not nearly as enthusiastically as Sarah and Katherine did. Sarah actually ended up standing at one point, cupping her hands around her mouth and shouting. All in all, it didn’t really take that long for the heat to be over. 

Sarah sat down in a huff when they announced the winner of the heat. David had come in fourth and wouldn’t be advancing to the next heat for backstroke. Katherine let out a sigh. 

“That’s too bad but he did pretty well!!” She said, putting her hand on Sarah’s arm. Sarah gave her a small smile. 

“Yeah, he did his best and that’s all that matters I guess.”

Jack turned his head from the couple back to the pool and watched David as he dried off, wondering what the other boy was like. If Race and Spot were friends with him he couldn’t be too bad, plus, Jack liked to think he gave everyone a pretty fair judgement. David was probably going to be a fine guy and Jack should stop worrying about it. 

The meet ended pretty quickly after that, with most of the heat winners coming from their school’s team. They waited till most of the people had cleared out and headed down to the pool area to meet David.

He was sitting on a bench on the far side of the pool, his goggles still around his neck but his swim cap off. Apparently he’d taken a quick dip in after the meet had ended, so he was still toweling off when they came down. Jack had a moment to take a good look at him now that he was closer. He had dark brown hair that looked almost black with how wet it was. He was wearing spandex swim trunks and had a towel around his neck. The thing that Jack noticed most, however, was how fucking hot David was.

His whole body was toned and he was still somewhat dripping which did nothing but help his case. He looked up from where he was sitting and grinned when he spotted them coming towards him and damn if that wasn’t a sight. He got up and walked over to them

He gave Sarah a hug despite her protests about him still being wet and laughed when she tried to push him off of her until they were both laughing hard and hugging.

“It’s good to see you!” He said enthusiastically. She smiled. 

“I couldn’t visit without seeing my little brother, now could I?” David groaned.

“Younger by two minutes.” 

Sarah shrugged, “Still counts.” 

He smiled and turned his attention towards Katherine and Jack. “David, this is Jack. Jack, David,” she introduced, gesturing between them. It was that moment that Jack decided. Why the hell not? He was going to go for it.

David smiled and extended his hand. “It’s a pleasure to meet you.” Jack gave him a grin, looked him up and down once and then took his hand. 

“The pleasure’s all mine, Davey” he said with a subtle wink. This kind of move was about as forward as Jack got, but he decided to do it anyway. It made himself clear at least.

Generally when Jack pulled something like this, the other person blushed, maybe stammered a bit in reply. However David’s smile slid slowly from his face and he gave a small sigh. In its place was a polite, if not curt smile. He let go of Jack’s hand quickly and turned his attention back towards the other two, starting to ask animatedly about how Sarah’s classes were going. 

Jack cocked his head to the side, confused by Davey’s actions. He think he’d done anything wrong to upset him, and from what little he knew about Davey, he didn’t seem like the kind of guy to just be rude to someone he’d just met, not the same guy who went through a Love Actually phase at 16. Jack tried to think of things that would have caused him to go cold like that. Maybe he was just upset because of the meet? 

Or maybe he was just straight and this was his way of letting Jack know his advances weren’t welcome?

It seemed as likely an answer as any, and hey, if the guy wanted him to back off, he’d back off. Can’t blame a guy for trying though, especially with a body and a grin like that. His thoughts were interrupted by Katherine asking him a question he didn’t quite catch.

“Sorry, what?” Jack asked.

“I asked if you wanted to come get lunch with us,” she repeated. Jack shrugged and smiled.

“Sure,” he said, starting to walk with them towards the exit.

Even if he didn’t have a shot with Davey he might as well become friends with him. Race and Spot were planning on inviting him to come meet the gang sometime, so he better start getting used to seeing him. Jack just hoped Davey was as willing to make new friends as Race and them all wanted him to.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯

Jack had hung out with Davey twice since their initial meeting and he was convinced the guy hated his guts. 

After the swim meet they’d gone to lunch at this little diner downtown. It was fine except for the fact that Davey didn’t talk to Jack much at all and barely looked at him. He didn’t seem to notice when Jack was talking and and whenever Jack asked him a question his answers were always only one or two words before he started talking to Katherine and Sarah again. At first Jack had written it off a shyness but couldn’t easily dismiss the feeling that Davey distinctly didn’t want to be around him.

The second time they’d hung out was when Race invited him out for bowling one night. The group of them usually tried to do stuff at least every week, even if all of them couldn’t come every single time. It was a nice way to blow off steam from a stressful day or week. Bowling hadn’t been the most popular activity at first but after a few times doing it, it had become somewhat of a regular occurrence for them. 

They usually took up a few lanes at the alley because of how many of them there were, and the games usually turned into teasing and mocking each other for how bad they all were. When Davey had shown up at the bowling alley, hands tucked in his pockets and shoulders slightly higher on his body than normal, Jack had immediately been seized with the desire to ease his anxiety. He’s walked over to the boy and put his hand on his shoulder and tried to lead him down to the lanes they’d claimed, but Davey had slid out of his grasp the second he’d been touched. He gave Jack an awkward smile, a short hello, and quickly walked away towards where the group was, leaving Jack behind him, bewildered.

Davey had waited till Jack was back to pick which lane he was bowling on. He picked the one Jack wasn’t in.

The third time they’d hung out was a movie night at Albert and Romeo’s apartment. It was officially October at this point and they’d decided on horror movies only that night and everyone was excited for it, even the more timid members of the group. It was getting slightly cooler out, not cold in the least but more chill than it had been and everyone was excited for autumn. The apartment was rearranged so the couch could act as a makeshift fort and everyone seemed to be loving it. 

Jack showed up late because his class on color theory had ran long and he had to go home and drop all his stuff off before he could head over to the apartment. They hadn’t started the movie yet when he got there which was a small blessing. He’d been looking forward to this just as much as anyone else.

It had only been a few days since October had started but the place was decked out in fake cobwebs and little pumpkins. There was apple cider and chocolate chip cookies on the table. The lights were dim or off completely in some places, and a few corners of the room filled with black lights that gave the room an eerie feel. Albert and Romeo stood off to the side, admiring their work as everyone sat on the floor in or around the fort. Jack slipped in, grabbed a drink and some cookies before heading over to where everyone else was sitting.

Jack sat down next to Katherine and propped himself up with a few of the numerous pillows that were laying around. He gave her a smile and she gave him one back, offering him a cookie which he gladly took, adding it to his small stack of snacks. 

Davey was on Jack’s other side, looking at his phone. He was wearing a t-shirt that hugged his body and damn if it didn’t look good on him. The light from the screen lit up his face and Jack couldn’t help but think that it made him look prettier, the glow casting shadows from his hair onto the rest of his face, softening his features. Race tapped Davey’s shoulder and whispered something into his ear, a joke by the way Davey’s face broke into a smile and chuckled to himself. Jack stared at him a second longer and was struck with the overwhelming urge to draw him like that, smiling, lit by the glow of his phone screen.

Jack pushed the thought away. Davey wasn’t comfortable with him as it is, asking him if Jack could draw him would probably freak him out. He just looked so happy and carefree with the others in the group that sometimes it made Jack ache just the tiniest bit that he wasn’t like that with him.

They ended up watching American Psycho because it was one of the less gory horror movies they had. Jack watched the movie but he also watched Davey. The boy seemed enraptured by the film, watching every moment attentively. Jack liked that he was having a good time, and for some reason the sight of Davey like that, engaged in something he clearly enjoyed and appreciated? It made Jack’s chest a little warm, brought a smile to his lips. 

It was after the movie that had really convinced Jack that Davey hated him. Everyone started having their own conversations and currently Jack, Katherine, Finch, Crutchie, and Spot were all circled into a little group on the floor. The way they’d all shifted had put Davey next to Jack, but it wasn’t like he was paying him much attention. He was talking about the movie, about symbolism and satire.

“There’s so much to unpack in that movie and even more so when you read the book --which, by the way, don’t. It’s so in character that it’s almost impossible to get through. But the whole movie is about materialism and capitalism and how, especially in the 80s with rampant poverty and the AIDS crisis, capitalism only served to hurt and kill those in lower classes. I took a film class last year and it really-”

“Hey Dave?” Spot interrupted.

“Yeah?”

“This the reason your sister calls you the walking mouth?” A couple of people around the cluster laughed

Davey’s face went a little red and he cast a sheepish smile down at the floor. 

“Yeah, I guess so. I’ll shut up if you guys want me to, I just really like talking about this kind of stuff.”

The group didn’t seem to care if he went on but he insisted he didn’t have much more to say anyway. They started talking about other things: classes, jobs, how someone owed someone a few dollars on a bet they’d lost, just dumb stuff. For all his assurances that he was done, Davey didn’t join into the conversation again, and he looked a bit embarrassed, dejected.

Katherine touched his hand and gave him a reassuring smile, one that he returned easily. Jack wondered if he could try and make peace with this boy, try to right whatever he’d done to make Davey not like him. 

“Davey, really, if you want to keep talking I’ll listen. All that stuff you were saying, about classism and all, it seemed really cool. I’m interested,” Jack said, trying his best to convey his sincerity.

Davey looked at him for a second, seemed to be assessing Jack. For a moment, it almost seemed like he might take Jack up on it, but then he shook his head, started to stand up.

“Thanks but I don’t need any pity,” he said quietly in an even tone. It wasn’t a biting remark, nothing cruel, just a statement. “I should get going,” he said, louder this time so everyone could hear him. There was a chorus of “goodbye”’s and “drive safe”’s as Davey went to leave. Before he could really think about it, Jack was following him out the door.

“Hey Davey, wait up,” he called after him. Davey kept walking. When Jack caught up to him he stopped in front of him, blocking his path.

Davey sighed, sounding tired. “Can you please get out of the way,” he asked, not meeting Jack’s eyes.

“Listen Dave, I don’t know what I did to make you hate me but I’m sorry for it. I see how you are with the rest of the guys, you’re funny and nice. You’re not a mean guy, I just want to know what I did to be treated differently.”

Davey looked like he was thinking, like he was trying to find the words.

“It’s not- you didn’t- ugh, you didn’t do anything specific, okay? I just know the kind of guy you are and I just don’t particularly care for it, okay? Not interested in your whole...thing.”

Jack was…taken aback. He didn’t know he’d get such an honest answer, and honestly knowing might be worse than not knowing. In his shock he didn’t even protest when Davey walked by him, shaking his head. And then Davey was gone.

Jack didn’t go back into the apartment for a few minutes, just stood in the hallway. The kind of guy he was? What did Davey mean? His first thought had been that it had been homophobic, that Davey was angry at him for liking guys. But that couldn’t be it right, could it? He was fine with Race and Spot, hell, his sister was dating a girl and he seemed to love them. What the hell was all that about??

Jack went back into the apartment and decided that if Davey wanted to have a problem with him, he was allowed to. Jack wouldn’t waste time thinking about him and Davey could go on his weird ass way, he wasn’t the first guy to have a problem with Jack, and he probably wouldn’t be the last. Jack could deal with it. He would have to.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> why do I keep writing sports into this fic??? the world may never know.

It was becoming increasingly difficult to ignore Davey.

For one thing he always seemed to be around, and not just at group things anymore. Sometimes Jack would walk around on campus and see him, studying in the grass under a tree. Other times Jack would be hanging out at someone’s apartment, and Davey would just show up, most of the time unexpectedly. It didn’t help that Davey often had classes with members of the group and had made a habit of dropping by to see if they wanted to study or if they had notes from a specific class. Jack just always seemed to be in the wrong place at the wrong time when it came to avoiding Davey.

It wasn’t like they really interacted when they saw each other, but it was the tension from their last conversation that seeped into the air and made things awkward. But was fine! Really, it was! Jack was completely fine with the fact that he had to see Davey so often, definitely, totally. It didn’t even matter to him that Davey looked fucking good as hell every time Jack saw him because based on their last conversation, Davey was likely very straight and wholly disinterested in Jack, which he was absolutely fine with by the way, 100% chill.

And of course, it wasn’t like Davey was ever too busy to miss a group activity, which was honestly expected, but still not helping.

It was getting later in October and certainly getting colder but the gang was determined to try and fit in as many outdoor sport-related activities as they could before it became too unbearably cold. There was a baseball diamond in a park near campus and Jack was excited. He’d been stuck inside so much lately working on school stuff that he was really looking forward to finally getting out and playing something he enjoyed.

When he got to the field a lot of the guys were already there, circled into little groups, throwing around baseballs or practicing swinging. If you could say anything about the group, it was that they got competitive when it came to sports, especially baseball.

Spot played baseball pretty regularly so he’d come with a bucket of balls and a few bats, some back up mitts for people who’d forgotten or didn’t have any. He jogged over to Jack when he saw him show up.

“Hey Jack, ready to kick some ass?”

“You know it man, I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”

Jack was a decent player, nothing too special but certainly not the worst of them all. Him and Spot had been on the same team every time they played ever since the first one. Having him as a teammate wasn’t always a guaranteed win, but it certainly didn’t hurt their odds. This was the first time they’d gotten around to playing since Spot and Race had gotten together, which was going to change their normal team set-ups. Since they’d become a couple, they’d taken to arguing frequently about who was better at any random thing, one of which happened to be baseball.

They usually played on the same team, but after a night of semi-heated but still light-hearted debate about who was better, (obviously Spot but Race sure knew how to to exaggerate his ability), they’d made Race change teams for a bet. Whoever lost apparently had to do the other’s household chores for two weeks, which really wasn’t that big a deal because neither really did much chores anyway, but that was beside the point. This was a matter of honor.

Jack looked around to make sure all the guys from their team were there and accounted for. The teams had always been uneven to begin with, but now with Race on the other side, the other team would have one up on them. It was fine, Jack was confident in their abilities to whoop ass anyway. Jack’s saving grace, it seemed, was that Davey wasn’t there. If he was, the game would most certainly be a hell of a lot more challenging to focus on.

He spotted Crutchie sitting on the bleachers on one side. Because of his leg, Crutchie never played with them, which was one of the reasons they didn’t often play sports, or at least sports that got very involved. Crutchie still came to cheer them on every time they played, either sitting in the dugout (if the field had one), or sitting on the bleachers and chatting with whichever team was batting. He was the world’s best cheerleader and always made Jack smile when he saw him enthusiastically yelling from the sidelines.

Jack walked over to him and sat next to him.

“Hey Crutch, how ya doing?” He asked. Crutchie grinned.

“I’m good Jack, I’m real good,” he answered excitedly.

“And what is it that’s gotten you in such a good mood?”

Crutchie smiled down at his lap, his cheeks either tinted pink from the slight chill or from blushing, Jack couldn’t tell.

“I got asked out on a date today.”

Jack’s mouth hung open in surprise. “Crutchie, that’s great!” He laughed, giving Crutchie a playful punch on the arm. “I always told you you were a stud, guys love the cute little vibe you give off. So who is he, do I know him?”

“Well actually-”

“Hey Jack we’re going to start soon, you better warm up,” Spot called from the field, interrupting Crutchie.

“Alright Crutch I’ll talk to you after the game. You’ll have to tell me all about him later, sound good?”

Crutchie smiled. “Sounds great Jack.” Jack smiled and ruffled his hair before getting off the bleachers and going to his bag to grab a mit to start warming up.

It took about 10 more minutes for the game to start, once everyone was there and warmed up. Jack’s team was up to bat first and he was up third, practicing his swing off to the side. It was after the first batter that Davey showed up, because of course he had to be free on the one day that Jack had really been looking forward to.

And as fate would have it, Jack’s team was one player down from the other team.

Davey jogged over to where they were lined up to bat, carrying a mitt in one hand and a baseball bat in the other. He was wearing sunglasses and a backwards baseball cap, plus an unbuttoned pinstripe baseball jersey with a black t-shirt underneath. It should honestly be illegal for a guy to look so fine.

 _“Why do all the hot ones have to be straight?”_ Jack thought.

He stopped in front of Spot.

“Hey, sorry, I had some errands to run and didn’t know it would take so long.”

Spot patted him on the back. “No worries man, just hop into line.”

As Davey passed him, he didn’t give Jack a glance, and neither did Jack. Okay well, he snuck a look out of his peripheral, just enough to see that Davey’s jersey was labeled with a large “JACOBS” across the top of the back.

Jack made it to second before his team got out, unfortunately before they could get any runs. It wasn’t wholly unexpected; Finch could be a damn good pitcher when he wanted to be. Romeo was their regular pitcher, and he did a good enough job, although the other team did get a few runs in before he struck the last batter out. Race was one of the runs in, which made for a hell of a lot of teasing as him and Spot passed each other while switching sides.

Davey didn’t end up batting till two outs into the second inning. He stood right outside the batter’s box, sunglasses off on the bleachers with his stuff. He put a hand above his eyes, squinting against the sun, apparently trying to look out into the field. Albert shouted at him from his place playing second.

“You have a baseball hat Dave, turn it around and use it.”

“I can’t, it’s part of the aesthetic,” Davey called back. Despite what he said he did end up turning his hat around so the bill blocked the sun. He stepped up to the plate, getting into form.

The first pitch was a ball. The second was a strike. The third was a foul. But the fourth? The ball came flying in and Davey swung around hard, a crack breaking through the air at the contact. Everyone seemed to stand still and stare as they saw it fly through the air, everyone, it seemed, except the outfielders, who were racing towards where the ball was heading, hoping to be able to catch it. The ball landed far out in right field and time sped back up again. Davey took off to first, then past first, going towards second. The ball was coming back quickly but he seemed a little too sure of himself, taking a risk and heading down towards third. The ball seemed just a hair too fast for him and Jack watched as he sprinted, trying to get there and slide into the base.

Jack couldn’t tell who’d gotten where first, Davey to third or Henry to Davey, trying to tag him out. It had seemed like a fraction of a second difference, but ultimately it was up to Specs to decide, as their acting umpire. After a moment of staring at the scene in front of him, Specs called it.

“Out!” He yelled, prompting yelling from both sides, both negative and positive.

Jack was back with the rest of his team near the batters. Behind him he could hear Crutchie yelling something to the effect of “Safe by a mile!” and “Where’d you guy get this clown of an umpire!” Jack couldn’t even bring himself to be upset about the out that forced them to switch sides. All he could think, with a smile gracing his face, was _damn. Damn, he’s incredible._

On his way back out to his spot at shortstop, Jack heard Race talking to Davey as they passed.

“How many sports do you play, Jacobs?”

“Too many,” Davey laughed.

The most of the game passed largely without anything major happening, though Jack did get fed up with the way Buttons was holding the bat and took it upon himself to personally teach the guy the proper stance, (“Didn’t you ever have a baseball unit in high school gym? You’re hopeless, Buttons”).

Eventually Jack found himself back near the bleachers, waiting for his turn back up to bat which seemed to be a little bit away so he was sitting next to Crutchie in the meantime.

Crutchie turned to him.

“Ya having fun, Jack?” he asked, smiling.

“Course I am Crutch, I always have fun hanging out with you guys.”

“Sure you aren’t having fun because of a _specific_ person who’s here.”

Jack shot him a skeptical glance.

“I’m not sure I get what your hinting at.”

Crutchie nodded his head in the direction of the rest of the players on his team, more specifically in the direction of Davey, who was currently leaning against the fence a few yards off from them. Crutch leaned in a little bit closer, lowering his voice to slightly above a whisper.

“I saw you staring Jack. You had the dopiest little smile on your face and don’t you go denying it.”

Jack let out a surprised huff of a laugh, ruffled Crutchie’s hair for the second time that day.

“Just pay attention to the game, ya goof.”

Eventually it was getting dark and though they were an inning or two short of nine, they decided that they’d finish quickly, ending with Race’s team up to bat.

They were two outs in, no one on base, and Albert was up to bat with two strikes on him. Jack’s team was up by a run and the only way for the other team to win would be a homerun from Albert. Romeo pitched, Albert swung, and the bat connected, sending the ball rolling right to Jack. Davey was positioned at first, glove ready, waiting for Jack to throw it. Jack drew his arm back, aimed and released, letting the ball sail through the air and safely into Davey’s mitt.

Cheers erupted from field, everyone either running in to start putting their stuff away or running up to Davey or Jack to give each of them high fives. Jack saw Spot jog over to Race and demand what seemed to be a congratulatory kiss, which Race very vocally refused to give him, pushing him away and running in the opposite direction. Naturally, Spot chased after him till they were running around the field like children. Big gay children.

Their little celeration was cut short, however, by a yelp of pain from the bleachers. Jack turned quickly and saw Crutchie lying on the ground directly off to the side of the bleachers. He raced over.

Crutchie was lying on his side on the ground, cradling his arm close to his chest and let out a small groan in pain. Jack gently sat him up.

“You weren’t even playing and you got hurt, you klutz,” Jack teased.

Crutchie smiled sheepishly for a moment before wincing in pain again.

“Sorry Jack, I just wanted to come over and congratulate you guys.”

Jack smiled at him. “Nothing to be sorry about buddy, you were just excited. Let me see your arm.”

Crutchie held out his arm for Jack to see. It didn’t look broken and Crutchie certainly wasn’t in enough pain to have sprained it, though it did look scraped up pretty bad.

“Hey, least you didn’t break it Crutch. I got a first aid kit in my bag, I’ll just run over and grab it and patch you up, alright bud?”

Crutchie nodded and made a move to try and stand up. Jack stopped him with a hand on his chest.

“Nuh uh, you stay right here, I’ll be back in a sec,” He said before jogging across the field towards the other side where he’d dropped his bag.

He fished out the first aid kit and turned around to head back but found that he didn’t have to run back across the field to Crutchie anyway. Crutchie was making his way across the field in the arms of none other than Davey Jacobs. Crutchie was beaming and Davey seemed to share a matching grin. Jack felt a smile pull at the corners of his mouth at the sight.

Davey set him down next to Jack. “Figured I might as well just bring him over.”

Jack chuckled. “Thank you,” he said before starting to work on disinfecting the scrape and getting a bandage over it to stop the very slight bleeding.

He went back over to the bleachers and grabbed Crutchie’s crutch before running back to give it to him and help him up. He slung an arm around his shoulder and started back towards the rest of the guys.

Getting ice cream after baseball had always been a tradition of theirs, although a few of the guys, (Finch, Henry, and Albert) had to get back to their apartments and finish up some work that was dew the next day for their classes. The little creamery they went to was still packed with the lot of them, sitting around the tables and relaxing after a good game.

Jack had sat next to Crutchie who’d sat next to Davey, not that Jack was really paying attention to where Davey was in the room at all times or anything. That’d be fucking weird.

Currently at the table Specs was getting shit from Elmer for getting mint chocolate chip which he claimed was the worst possible flavor, an opinion supported by Mike, sitting next to him. 

“I just don’t see why you’d willingly subject yourself to that kind of torture. Chocolate chip cookie dough was literally right next to it,” Elmer said  
  
“Mint chocolate chip is good, you guys are just mean,” Specs responded.

“Dude, it’s like eating toothpaste,” Mike countered.

“Mike, I’m not sure what toothpaste you’ve been using but if it has chocolate in it then it almost certainly can’t be good for your teeth.”

Davey chuckled next to him around a spoonful of vanilla.

“Why aren’t you guys getting on him? Vanilla is the most boring flavor he could have gotten,” Specs asked.

Mike shrugged. “It suits him.”  
  
“Vanilla ice cream for a vanilla guy,” Elmer joked.  
  
“Is that a joke about my complexion or how average I am,”  Davey asked. He shrugged.  
  
“Maybe a little of both.”

Jack tore his attention away from the conversation in front of him and turned toward Crutchie instead who was paying avid attention to Specs and Elmer’s debate. He poked Crutch’s non-scraped up arm.

“Hey mister, don’t think I forgot about this hot date you got asked out on, ya gotta give me the whole scoop. Do I know him? Is he cute? Did he say you were cute? How’d he ask you, what are you guys doing, Crutch, you have to tell me _everything_.”

Crutchie’s eyes lit up at the mention of his date, and his face broke out into a smile.

“Okay well firstly he is very cute, and secondly he didn’t call me cute but he did say that I looked pretty adorable with my hair all shaggy as it is,” Crutchie replied, pulling on a stray lock in his face.

“Listen, I definitely agree but you do need to get that mop on top of your head cut, it looks like it’s about to take over.”

Crutchie chuckled. “Yeah I know, I’ll probably get it done sometime before I go on my date.” He paused. Jack waved a hand impatiently.

“So? Go on, tell me what happened.”

“Well he came up to me and asked if I was busy thursday and at first I thought he was just planning a group thing because it wouldn’t be that weird for him to-”

“Woah woah hold up a minute Crutch, he’s one of the guys?? Which one!?”

Crutchie bit his lip as he tried and failed to fight off the grin forming on his lips. “It was Finch.”

Jack clapped a hand down onto Crutchie’s shoulder. “Ayyyy atta boy, you’ve been after him for forever.”

“Yeah Jack, that’s what’s got me all excited! He asked if I wanted to go out to that art gallery downtown that’s opening, said he wanted to make a whole night of it.”

Jack grinned, happy for his friend. “I’m sure it’ll be perfect.”

Crutch shyly smiled down at his ice cream and took a spoonful before turning back to Jack.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“Met anyone interesting lately?”

Jack shook his head. “All the dates I’ve been going on have been a bust recently.”

Crutchie frowned. “What about that one girl that you went out with last week? Shannon I think her name was?”

Jack shook his head again. “No dice. She was less interested in me and more interested in whether I was coming back to her place for the night or not. People like that don’t really mesh well with me. Besides, you know I like connecting with people before I do anything with them.”

Crutchie nodded. He’d known Crutch for years, even before college. It had always been that way with Jack. He wasn’t interested in one night stands, not after the phase he went through in high school where he tried to sleep away his sadness with anyone ready and willing.

Jack glanced over at Davey who suddenly had become very interested in his cup of ice cream, not looking at anyone but had an ear subtly turned toward the conversation. Was he surprised that Jack liked girls too? Was that not the “kind of guy” Davey had him pegged for? He saw Davey’s brow furrow, like he was confused, like he wanted to ask something but couldn’t find the words how. Then suddenly the look was gone and replaced with something else, something more like...what, panic? Anxiety? Realization? Regardless of what it was, it was something enough to make him seem to rush through the rest of his ice cream and head out the door, only calling out a brief farewell to the rest of the group.

That was...odd. But really, at this point most things with Davey seemed to confuse Jack. He’s hot and cold; he’ll be decent towards Jack sometimes and other times give him the most bored, disinterested, apathetic stare he could muster. At least apathetic was better than the look he got sometimes that seemed to be anxiety just from being around Jack. Jack would hate to think that Davey being anxious had anything to with how Jack was acting, regardless of how rude the guy might have been to him. There were a lot of conflicting signals coming from Davey that Jack didn’t know what to do with.

So for the moment, he pushed the thought away. He focused instead on Crutchie, on being around his friends. He focused on the things he understood, because that was the kind of stuff worth worrying about. He’d deal with Davey later. Right now, he was having ice cream with his friends, and that was all that mattered.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I keep posting chapters in pairs? Don't get too used to it lol. Hope y'all like it!

Things with Davey were much of the same. After his actions after the baseball game, he didn’t speak to Jack, often never met his gaze. Jack had even stopped seeing Davey around campus as often, which was more disappointing than he wanted to admit. 

Jack avoided him and he avoided Jack. They rarely talked and often didn’t spare each other even a passing glance. Well, Davey didn’t at least.

Listen, Jack was only human! He tried to ignore Davey, really, honestly tried. The guy was just too damn distracting. Every time he showed up to a group thing he always looked like he’d gotten done modeling or some shit because no one just naturally looks that good all the time. The worst of it was the day he showed up all dressed up from some job interview he’d had, decked out in a vest and tie. Jack had nearly killed himself trying to keep his eyes from wandering over every two seconds. At this point, his staring, subtle as it was, was getting out of hand.

It would have been better if Davey was just an asshole. If he was a dick then Jack could brush it off and forget about the guy, but he wasn’t. He was so far from it. He’d always been nice with the rest of the group and slowly he was becoming really good friends with them. Don’t get him wrong, Jack loved it. These guys were family and the fact that they were having fun and making friends with good people made Jack so happy sometimes he could cry. Each and every one of them had been through tough times and they all deserved happiness, deserved to have fun. Watching them laugh and joke never failed to bring a smile to his face, but that smile now carried such conflicting emotions.

Jack didn’t lie to himself, he knew he had feelings for Davey. At first it had just been passing attraction, the kind of thing he experienced with most people, regardless of how much he knew them. The problem was that it had slowly grown over the past few weeks into something much more genuine, something deeper. He felt it when Davey smiled, when he laughed, when his eyes crinkled at the corners and his mouth spread into the biggest grin Jack had ever seen. It was there in every kind thing Davey offered to do for the group: every time he’d taken off his jacket for someone else to borrow, every time he bought someone food or a drink, one time he even offered to adopt a puppy for Crutchie to play with since his apartment allowed dogs while Crutchie’s didn’t. 

Jack felt something bubbling up inside him every time he saw Davey enter the room and he didn’t know what to do, how to act, how to pretend he wasn’t desperately falling for the guy who apparently hated him. 

And he  _ still _ didn’t understand what Davey had meant when he’d said he knew “the kind of guy” Jack was. It had been weeks since he’d said it but he couldn’t keep it off his mind. There was this nagging feeling that he was missing something, that there was something between the lines that he couldn’t quite catch. It was exhausting honestly.

Jack knew he had it bad when he stopped going on dates.

Now Jack didn’t date a lot, just a girl here, a guy there, see if he really connected with anyone. He hadn’t had a serious relationship since his freshman year but he liked to stay connected to the scene, see if he met anyone interesting. If he didn’t hit it off, at least he had a potential friend to fall back on. But recently he hadn’t been feeling into it, and after six consecutive dates of feeling out of it, he’d decided to take a break for a while. It was certainly just a coincidence that this feeling had started shortly after he’d met Davey, and was certainly not the product of any particular emotions that were slowly starting to culminate. 

In the end, it was Katherine who’d brought it to the front of his mind. He was working on a paper at her apartment one day, just trying to reward himself for working by allowing himself the company of other people. Sarah was there too, sitting at the table, quietly reading. Katherine was sitting next to him, quiet, but giving him looks every few minutes or so until she finally spoke up.

“Okay Jack, that’s the sixth time I’ve heard you sigh in the last half hour, what’s on your mind?”

Jack looked at her. He’d been working, he didn’t even realize he’d sighed at all. He shrugged.

“Just this paper giving me a hard time I guess.”

“That is bullshit Jack Kelly, you’re writing that paper for you art history class. You  _ love _ art history, there’s no way you’re having a hard time coming up with something to say, so spill. You’re a terrible liar and you know it so you better not try and pull anything on me.”

He sighed, earning himself a glare from Katherine before quickly ending said sigh. He looked at her, tried to think of something to say. What  _ could _ he say? I have feelings for a straight guy? A straight guy who despises me?? I can’t stop thinking about him even though he essentially told me to fuck off? I’m trying to write a paper about something I love but can’t focus because he seems to get along with my friends more than I do some days and that terrifies me because if I don’t have those guys then I don’t have anyone???

Katherine stared at him back, narrowed her eyes just a fraction and then quickly widened them.

“This is about David, isn’t it?”

Jack sputtered. “What, you some kind of fuckin’ mind reader or something?”

Sarah looked over from her spot at the table. 

“What’s about David?” She asked.

Katherine looked at her, then back at Jack. A smile slowly crept across her face. 

“You like him don’t you? That’s why you’ve been moping around so much lately!” 

Jack felt his neck start to heat up, a blush trying to crawl its way from his neck to his cheeks.

“It’s nothing, it’s just some passing affection okay? He’s just attractive, alright?”

“Jackie has a cru-ush,” Katherine teased in a little sing-song of a voice. “What makes this even funnier is that it’s on my girlfriend’s brother. Oooo we could go one double dates!! Wait, it might be weird to go on a double date with you sibling. I mean, not like  _ with  _ your sibling, but like, having them there. Is that awkward? I didn’t have any siblings, hey sarah would it be awkward if-”

“Kath, stop. You’re getting too ahead of yourself. There’s no way I’m going to try and go after Davey.”

Katherine’s grin was replaced with a small frown of confusion. “Why not?”

“There’s no way it would work out for me. The deck’s stacked against me. Plus, he’s probably got a million girls chasing after him with how good he looks.”

Sarah let out a little snort in amusement before turning back to her book. “Yeah right.”

Jack cocked his head to the side. “What do you mean? The guy’s clearly a catch.”

Sarah didn’t even look back. “The idea of him with a girl is just funny, that’s all.”

Jack’s heart leapt into his throat, a sliver of hope forcing itself into his head. He pushed it back down. Maybe she meant something else?

“So Davey…” he hesitated, “isn’t straight?”

Sarah turned to look at him, stared at him dead in the eyes and raised her eyebrows. “Jack, David likes guys more than I like girls. Which is saying something because I  _ really _ like girls. I had to spend four loooonngg years of high school with him whining about every boy that caught his attention and how he knew they were straight but just absolutely hoped against hope that they were gay. If David were any more into guys his hair would be rainbow colored.”

A surge of joy rushed through Jack, like a shot of adrenaline. His face lit up for the briefest of seconds before falling again back into a resigned frown. It didn’t matter if Davey was gay. He still wanted nothing to do with Jack. 

Sarah spoke up again. “You should go for it Jack, I think he might like you.”

Jack scoffed. “No offense Sarah but I think Davey would rather cut off his own fingers than go on a date with me.”

Sarah shrugged. “He sure asks about you a lot for someone who apparently likes you less than multiple finger amputations.”

Jack’s head snapped up in her direction. “He asks about me? What’s he say, what does he want to know?”

“Just what you’re like, I guess? What you’re majoring in, how long I’ve known you. Nothing weird or anything, just basic stuff.”

“Huh,” was all Jack could say, turning back to his computer screen. That was….interesting. And fuck him if he knew what any of it all meant.

 

********

 

Jack realized it when he was working on a painting one day. It was late and he was tired and all he really wanted was a nice easy day tomorrow so he could focus on catching up on work. He was working on a personal project of his that he’d accidentally created a few months back. He’d painted a cityscape, something very monochrome and and dull, reflecting the way he’d been feeling about his life at the time. Money had been tight and he’d just gotten the flu, (even though it was the middle of summer, which was frankly just unfair). The city seemed to be draining him of all his motivation, all his energy and all he wanted was to get away. That painting had perfectly represented his frustration with it all, his boredom with the monotony of his life, the feeling that he was suffocating in a city that was trapping him, a wall that he couldn’t climb to get out.

The feeling passed though, as most of his problems did. He was able to hang out more with Katherine, able to go out and do things with his friends, and slowly, slowly, he began to be more happy with where he was in life. He didn’t live in a perfect world or have the most money or the grandest apartment, but what he did have were friends that cared, people that made it all a little better. His next painting had been a cityscape again, but more colorful, more full of people and life than his last one. 

So he’d started working on a series of paintings of places he’d been that also reflected how he felt at the time about life. He’d painted the park that he would go to to relax when he wanted to be around people but alone at the same time. He’d painted various friends apartments, different classrooms, even the bathroom at Spec’s place because he’d woken up one time there with a vicious hangover and wanted to capture just how much pain and suffering he’d associated with the room. 

This painting was different though and he knew it. He was drawing the swimming pool where he’d met Davey all those weeks ago. It was dumb, he knew it was, to keep fixating on the boy but he couldn’t help it; there were a lot of emotions he felt when he thought about that pool.

His excuse was that if he painted how he felt about Davey then maybe the feelings would lessen, would find their way onto the canvas instead of banging around in his head all day.

It started off well, with the pool starting to take shape on the canvas. Jack had finished the outlines for everything and was working on the way the water sat, the way it lapped at the edges of the pool. He’d intended for it to be relatively calm, but the more he painted the more rough he felt the little waves should look, the more water he felt should be splashed up onto the floor around it. There weren’t any people in this painting, just a barren room. The water was tinted yellow, reflecting the light of the harsh fluorescents that hung above. Jack was trying to find the right colors to reflect how he was feeling but couldn’t pinpoint exactly how he felt at all. He darkened some edges, adding shadows and light into places as he thought back to his first meeting with Davey. 

He remembered the way Davey looked, how he’d smiled so widely at seeing his sister, had messed around and annoyed her, the genuine look of happiness at seeing Kath. Jack remembered the smile he’d given Jack, the look of disappointment after Jack had said something, the confusion Jack felt at being given the cold shoulder so suddenly. It all replayed in his mind, every second of the strange interaction on loop in his brain. And beneath it all there was this longing, this intense want for things to have gone differently, for Davey to keep smiling and them to have gotten along great. All he wanted was to be friends with him, friends at least, anything but what they were: acquaintances at best and casual enemies at worst. If only he could put his hand on his shoulder without him flinching away, maybe hold his hand, possibly run his fingers through his hair, just caress his face or hug him or kiss him or-

Jack had stopped painting. He didn’t know when he’d stopped painting but he’d come back to himself and suddenly he was staring at a painting of a swimming pool, empty, messy, but vibrant. The water raged an internal war with itself but the lane dividers still found themselves bright and solid. The floor was covered in misplaced water but the tile still popped against the background. Every color was just that much more intense than Jack had planned for it to be. Jack was looking at the painting and realized that despite how conflicted he felt about Davey, what he felt had been clear as day the whole time, standing out like bright red on white canvas.

Jack was in love with him.

Jack was in love with Davey, who’d barely spare him a glance, let alone talk to him.

He was so fucked.


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Where does it say that a guy can't catch a break?" In my plot outline my dude, sorry. I'm thinking like two more chapters on this probably, and I'll try to get them up quickly! Also I don't think I mentioned it before but Jack and Crutchie are roommates. Anyway, cool cool hope y'all like angst.

Jack was having a rough couple of weeks.

He’d been fine for a while. He’d been on top of his school work, he’d been hanging out with his friends, he’d been really happy for a good bit of time. Since the universe seemed determined to fuck him over, he should have expected something bad to happen sooner rather than later. 

It had started with school. Jack may not have been the best student, he may not even be that smart in all honesty, but he passed his classes and he put in the time for the work. Say what you will about him, but Jack didn’t just give up when things got hard. He did, however, pull impossible hours trying to work and stressed himself out beyond belief.

It was late November, which meant that finals were approaching rapidly. Jack could usually handle the pressure of it, hell, sometimes he even appreciated the extra push to study and get things done. This year was different though. He’d been working hard on commissions to pay rent, and with the added stress of figuring out he was in love, he couldn’t focus on studying. For that matter, he couldn’t focus on anything. Every time he sat down to study or paint or read he ended up zoning out, coming back to himself, tried to shake the thoughts from his head, only to find himself doing it again moments later. It had resulted in him taking hours to finish whatever he was doing, going to sleep incredibly late, and waking up early the next morning to start doing it all again. 

Commissions hadn’t been easy either. The one he’d been working on recently was supposed to be relatively simple, just some forests and streams, something calm and beautiful. It’s supposed to be peaceful, but recently every time he makes a brushstroke it ends up being too harsh, too bold, radiating too much desperation, anxiety. And that’s when he actually ends up painting. Half the time he sits down to work he ends up just looking at the canvas, waiting for inspiration, for even the image he’s trying to paint to manifest in his head. It hasn’t been recently. He’s left just staring at his brushes, even more stressed because he can’t work on it, with it’s deadline rapidly approaching.

It also didn’t help that Jack was spending nearly all his time alone. Besides going out for class, Jack didn’t have time to hang out with other people. Trying to study with the gang would only end up being a distraction. Not to mention that the last time he’d tried studying with them, Davey had been there. Not only was he infuriatingly good at helping others understand topics they were having trouble with, he was also just so incredibly pretty that Jack couldn’t help but stare.

Crutchie hadn’t been in the apartment either, as he’d been out almost all the time with Finch, who had taken him on more than a few dates and were rapidly approaching an official status of “couple.” Because of this, Jack was left in the apartment, either trying to study or taking a break that almost certainly ran too long every time. It would start with an episode of Netflix, then quickly turn into a second, eventually devolving into scrolling through his phone. It wasn’t like he wanted to be putting off his work, He’d sit there, willing himself to do something, do  _ anything _ more productive, but he couldn’t. It was like he was stuck in a loop: refreshing the same apps, listening to the same four songs, watching the room get dark around him because the sun was setting and he hadn’t bothered to turn on a light. He was stuck in this cycle of getting up and studying and procrastinating and going to class and then studying and procrastinating. Half the time he couldn’t remember the last time he ate or how much water he’d drank and wait did he actually eat anything today? Maybe he should find something to eat, except maybe not because that would involve getting up so he’ll just stay sitting and go back to studying because that’s probably more important anyway.

Needless to say, he hadn’t been able to go to the last few group activities. They’d seemed fun, but he didn’t understand how the guys weren’t freaking out about finals. They were coming up so soon and if Jack didn’t have time then how could they? He’d been so nonexistent in keeping in touch with them recently that they’d actually forgotten to let him know about the last group thing. That had hurt. A lot. It wasn’t like he could go or anything but he still wanted to be thought about. Everything had been piling up and Jack felt like screaming or crying or both because it all just felt like he was fading into the background. Like he’d disappear and no one would even notice.

So he made a decision. The next time the group did something, he’d be there. Regardless of how much work he had to do or what time the activity was, he’d go. He missed his friends too much to keep staying away.

It turned out that they’d accidentally planned the next event on the worst day of Jack’s life.

It hadn’t started out badly at all. Jack had gotten up, gotten dressed, even made himself a real breakfast. Crutchie had stayed over Finch’s so Jack was alone, but for some reason, he didn’t care. He was happy, he was even  _ excited _ . They were going to go over Race and Spot’s place later and watch some musicals because that’s all Race ever wanted to watch, and Sarah would be there and Jack was going to sing along with his friends and be happy again. He wasn’t even going to care that Davey was there, certainly wasn’t going to spare him one glance, nor a single thought. He would enjoy himself and not worry about anything and he’d be able to relax. Everything would work out from there.

The problem with that plan was that it was Thursday. Jack had a ten o’clock class on Thursdays, and by the time he realized this, it was already 10:15. 

The class was across campus. If he really ran to get there he’d probably only miss maybe 10 more minutes. At the rate he’d been studying at, he really couldn’t afford to just skip class. He quickly gathered up his things and bolted out the door, somehow finding a way to bang his shoulder into the doorframe and also shut the door on his fingers, almost forgetting to lock up in the process.

He practically sprinted across campus, which was actually kind of difficult because of all the crosswalks he had to wait at while cars drove by. Plus, it was  _ cold _ . He’d forgotten to put on a jacket, so Jack was only covered by the flannel he’d thrown on when he woke up. People were giving him looks left and right as he ran but he didn’t care, he was just really hoping he’d make it to class quickly. He was turning a sharp corner when he ran directly into someone, knocking the few books they’d been carrying from their hand and resulting in both of them on the ground. When Jack looked over from where he lay he realized that he could not have been more fucked.

Davey was sprawled out on the ground in front of him, his books spread out around him. Jack tried to get up too quickly and winced when he put weight onto his arm. He hoped to fuck that he hadn’t majorly injured himself, but most of all he  _ really  _ hoped he hadn’t hurt Davey. The guy didn’t like him enough as it was.

Davey looked all around, dazed and disoriented, like he couldn’t process what had just happened. His eyes settled on Jack and his brows furrowed in confusion. 

“What the hell?” He asked, not seeming particularly angry, just completely thrown off guard by what happened. 

“Davey, man, I am so sorry, it was a complete accident. Here, let me get your books,” Jack apologized, scrambling around to collect the books that were scattered around them. “I should have been watching where I was going, I was being stupid, do you need help up? Let me help you up, I am  _ so sorry _ .”

Jack stood up and transferred the books to one arm, extending a hand to Davey who was still on the ground. Davey took his hand and Jack winced before he could stop himself, forgetting that he’d literally just injured that arm. Jack pulled him up anyway, but not without Davey catching his expression of pain before he could bury it.

“Jack are you okay? Did you get hurt?” His face was full of concern and Jack really did not deserve that after plowing into this guy.

“It’s fine, it’s really nothing. Are you okay, Dave?” He asked, brushing him off. Davey didn’t look like he believed him but let it drop anyway.

“Yeah, I’m fine. Why were you running?”

“Fuck,” Jack said, suddenly remembering that he was late for class. He quickly gave the books to Davey and started off in the direction he’d been heading. “I’m late for class, sorry again!” He called behind him. Davey didn’t call back a response.

By the time he got to the building he was over a half hour late. He doubled over outside the classroom, trying to catch his breath before walking in. While his breathing was a little calmer, his face was still red from running and from the cold, and him trying to sneak in didn’t work so well when the only seat open was in the front, almost dead center. Every other seat was either occupied by a person or taken up by their bag. Jack was beginning to think that this was all some very bad karma for something he couldn’t remember doing. Whatever it was, it must have been absolutely awful.

When he finally got home after suffering through class, he took a shower to wash off the fact that he sprinted across campus and had ended up simultaneously cold and sweaty. He was fine, it was all good. It didn’t matter that he’d had a terrible morning because he was going to go and hang out with his friends later and everything was going to be okay.

He decided to sit down and work on the commission that had been giving him trouble. He went over to his battered easel and sat down in front of the canvas. The painting was mostly done, other than the sky and minor details in the foreground. Jack grabbed his palette and a tube of paint and tried to squeeze some out. Nothing came out. He squeezed harder. Still nothing. Jack turned the tube around and looked at the opening. It seemed blocked by semi-dried paint, but Jack couldn’t seem to scrape it off, even his attempts at puncturing it were futile. As a last resort, he tried to squeeze it again, harder than before. The clog in the paint fired off and left him covered in cobalt blue, both on his face and his shirt.

He put the tube of paint down, calmly got up, went to the bathroom and washed all the paint from his face. He took off his shirt and changed into something else, abandoning his idea of trying to paint today. He sat down on his bed, looked at his hands and let out a shaky sigh. All he’d wanted was one good day.

He didn’t do much for the rest of the morning and afternoon. He avoiding cooking himself lunch because he knew with his luck he’d probably find a way to burn the whole place down. He watched some tv, studied a little (thought he really couldn’t focus). Mostly he just tried to keep himself busy in little ways before he had to go. 

Crutchie came back before they had to leave. On their walk there, Jack was unusually quiet, and although Crutchie had tried to start some conversation, Jack barely managed single word responses, opting instead to just listen to Crutchie talk about the movie he and Finch had watched the night before and what a good time he had and just how happy he was that they were finally spending time together. He seemed so happy, Jack really wanted to be excited for him, but a bitterness had settled into Jack’s thoughts without his permission. He knew that he didn’t have a right to be angry or upset but there was this overwhelming annoyance with hearing about others being happy while he was so miserable. Jack tried to ignore it. He faked a smile for Crutchie and kept walking till they got to Spot and Race’s apartment.

It seemed like everyone had gotten there before them, which was fine because it meant that Jack got to see everyone at once instead of just waiting for people to get there. He smiled and started greeting people. It felt like it had been years since he’d seen them.

Jack walked over and to Katherine and Sarah who were talking to Spot across the room. Davey was next to Sarah, smiling and laughing along with whatever story Spot was telling. For a second he glanced over, made eye contact with Jack. He quickly looked away, the slightest hint of pink finding his way to his face. Jack figured he was probably embarrassed to see him after he’d made such a fool of himself. He tried not to stare. 

Jack ended up next to Katherine, catching the tail end of Spot’s story.

“- so I ended up face first in the dirt but we’d already made it to the finish line so Race jumping up and down because he’s so excited, he literally almost jumps on my head before he realizes that I’m down there.”

“I just thought I couldn’t see you because you were off to the side, I didn’t realize you were on the ground,” Race said from behind Spot, coming over.

“How did you not feel me fall off your back, you were running so fast you could have killed me.”

“Yes, but we  _ won _ so it was worth it.”

They started bickering back and forth, something that was entertaining in its own right, but Sarah seemed to be more interested in talking to Jack.

“Hey Jack, heard you took a tumble today with Davey.”

Jack felt his face heat up against his will. He looked away. “I didn’t mean to, I was just late for class.”

“Is that why your arm’s all fucked up?” 

Jack looks down. He hadn’t realized his wrist had gotten so swollen, looking vaguely purplish.

“Jack!” Katherine said, rushing over to his arm. “Did you break it? Do you need to go to a hospital?”

Jack shook his head. “I’m fine Kath, I just might’ve sprained it. I’ll wrap it when I get home.”

Spot grabbed his shoulder. “I have a brace somewhere from when I sprained my wrist last spring, you can use it while you’re here.”

Jack knew that he should have been grateful that they cared, he really did, and he wanted to be it was just. He didn’t like them thinking he couldn’t take care of himself. After the day he’d had, he just wanted to be treated like someone who had control over their life, even for a second. He wasn’t useless, he could manage himself just fine. 

“It’s okay, I’ll deal with it later.”

“No really, I’ll just go get-”

“I said it’s fine!” Jack snapped. Spot looked taken aback for a second, but his face quickly hardened. He just nodded. Everyone else in their little circle was looking at him, startled and confused by his outburst. 

Race stepped closer to Jack, concern heavy on his face. “Hey man, what’s up?”

Jack shook his head, suddenly getting defensive. “Nothing, I’m perfectly fine, okay?”

Sarah placed an hand on Jack’s arm. “You can talk to us if you need to Jack, you know that right?”

Jack felt like he couldn’t breathe. All he could hear was chatter around him and the eyes of those he’d just startled and he was claustrophobic all of the sudden. There was too much going on, in his life, in this room, everywhere. He didn’t want people to look at him and pity him, he didn’t want to be there, with everyone being all happy and having fun, he just wanted it all to go away, he wished he could just go away, he wished-

He yanked his arm away from her. “Get the fuck off me.”

Katherine’s face went from concerned to protective.

“Hey, we’re just trying to help, Jack.”

“Yeah well it’s not helping, so you guys can stop.”

“What is up with you tonight, man?” Spot asked.

Jack scoffed. “Shut up.”

“Jack-”

“I’m serious, shut the fuck up!”

“Get out.” Race was looking at him, his face betraying no emotion. “If you’re going to be like this then get out.”

“Race, hey, he can-”

“No Kath, I’ll leave. You guys can go fuck yourselves.”

Jack left the room quickly, everyone’s eyes on him. There was a lump in his throat that he couldn’t swallow down and tears that were threatening at his eyes. He fucked up, oh god, he fucked up.

Jack was outside before someone caught up to him. He heard a voice from behind him.

“You can’t say that. Jack, what the fuck was that, you can’t say that to people you care about. They’re all real pissed back there,” Davey said, his voice full of anger. Jack didn’t turn to look at him, just stuffed his hands into his pockets and tried to walk faster.

“I can do whatever I damn well please, you don’t dictate my actions. And you don’t speak for everyone there, if they have a problem with me they can tell me to my face.” Jack could hear Davey picking up his pace to catch up. Before Jack could really process it, Davey had jogged in front of him, blocking Jack with a hand do his shoulder. Jack glared at him.

“Those people are my friends, Sarah’s my fucking  _ sister _ . I’m just trying to defend them because you’re acting like a real asshole right now. These guys are like your family Jack, I know they are. This isn’t like you.” Davey was breathing puffs of foggy air, his breathing labored ever so slightly from his agitation. 

“Yeah well, what if I am an asshole? How would you fucking know? It’s not like you give a shit about me.”

Davey had the decency to look at least a little ashamed of himself, his face just a little redder than before. Jack just shook his head and turned around, starting to walk away. “Just leave me alone, Dave.”

Davey jogged to get in front of him and blocked his path. “Jack Kelly, I don’t care if you’re actually an asshole or not, you’re going back there to apologize to my sister and your friends.”

“Yeah, sure, okay,” Jack said sarcastically, trying to push past Davey. Davey shoved him back, stopping him. Jack couldn’t look him in the eye.

“No, seriously Jack. Stop thinking about yourself for two fucking seconds and think about all the people you’re being a jerk to right now. What the fuck is even up with you?”

Jack stopped and turned to look at him suddenly.

“You want to know what’s up with me? You really want to know? Well let’s see, school is screwing me over to the point where I barely have time to sleep, and when I try I can’t fall asleep because I’m thinking about all the things I need to do, plus I can barely pay rent, my friends all seem to not really care about me, I just royally fucked up the one social gathering I’ve been able to make it to, and to top it all off, I’m in love with someone who barely acknowledges I’m alive! Everything in my life is a complete fucking mess and I don’t know how to fix it, I don’t know how to fix  _ any _ of it and I think if I don’t find a way to make it better then I might actually explode.”

Jack was breathing heavily now, verging on hyperventilating and tears were starting to overflow and fall down his face. He was still staring at Davey. At some point during his rant Davey’s face had fallen from a look of anger to one of concern, to one of fucking pity and Jack was really sick and tired of people acting like he needed their sympathy. 

Davey reached out a hand and put it on his shoulder. 

“Jack-"

Jack jerked out of his grasp, turning away. “Don’t FUCKING touch me,” he shouted. He was shaking now, slightly hunched over, staring down at the ground.

Davey cautiously brought his hand back, and slowly moved so he was crouched below Jack, where he could see his face. 

“Jack, listen, hey, it’s okay. Take a deep breath, it’s going to be alright.” Jack didn’t meet his eyes. He took a few deep breaths, calming down a bit before straightened up.

“I didn’t-” he paused. “I didn’t mean to say what I said in there. I was being an ass, I’ll apologize to them later.”

Davey nodded. “Jack, I’ll help in any way I can, any way you need me to.” 

Jack let out a bitter laugh, again trying to walk away. “There’s no way for you to help me.”

Davey wouldn’t let him leave, just jogged to keep up with him. 

“How would you know if you don’t let me try.” He looked so damn eager and  _ fuck _ if that didn’t make it hurt all the more.

“You can’t understand.”

“You don’t know-”

“I said you can’t, alright!”

Davey let out a frustrated laugh. “Why not!?”

Jack didn’t even think. Something in his head just went ‘fuck this’ and turned towards Davey before smashing their lips together. 

It’s not the first kiss with him he’d dreamt about. It’s not sweet or soft, honestly it was barely even a kiss. There’s too much force, too much aggression, and the only thing Jack could feel was the pressure on his mouth and how tightly screwed shut his eyes were. Davey was stiff and still against him. 

When he pulled back he didn’t even look at Davey before walking away. He didn’t see how wide his eyes were or the way his fingers drifted up to gently touch his lips. As he walked away this time, Davey didn’t try to stop him. Jack called back behind him without turning around. 

“See? It’s not something you’d want to understand.”

Davey didn’t move, just stayed in the same spot under the streetlight, in a kind of daze. His hand dropped from his mouth. Jack went home, and Davey left in the opposite direction.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One chapter left after this! This chapter is an apology for making the last chapter sad, also you finally find out what the fuck has been up Davey this whole time lmao. Hope y'all like it!

It was Crutchie who found him.

Jack had come home and immediately stormed into his room. He was full of emotions that he couldn’t place and had no idea what to do with. He sat down on his bed, then stood up, then started pacing before eventually sitting down again. His hands were shaking. He felt like he might start crying again.

He took a deep breath and laid down, trying to calm himself as much as he could. He stayed there, lying on his back, eyes fixed on the ceiling, trying to forget about everything he’d said and done that night. That was how Crutchie had found him, probably a little less than an hour later. Jack heard a tentative knock at the door, heard him say his name. He didn’t answer, he just let the door open and didn’t move. Crutchie came in and sat down next to him on the bed. For a moment, no one said anything. Crutchie broke their awkward silence.

“What’s been going on Jack? I don’t mean to pry but you’ve really got us all really worried.” His voice was soft, concerned. Jack sighed and sat up, unable to meet Crutchies eyes.

“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- I really shouldn’t have- ugh, I’m sorry.”

“I know.”

“I’m sorry about all of it. About everything I did and said, I just. I don’t know, it’s like something came over me and suddenly nothing was okay and I didn’t want to be there and I don’t know _why_ because I love you guys and I’ve been looking forward to hanging out for forever,” Jack continued.

“I know. It’s okay, Jack.” Jack’s head snapped up to Crutchie.

“It’s not, Crutch! I was an asshole to all my friends, they all probably hate my fucking guts.”

“They don’t Jack. If we did, I wouldn’t be here.”

“That’s just because you’re you, Crutchie. You always forgive me, even when I don’t deserve it.” Jack pressed his hands to his eyes. He had the most massive headache coming on and he’d honestly prefer to die than have that happen right now.

“Jack, listen. You were being an ass, that part isn’t up for debate. But after you left, we realized that we should have recognized that you were upset. We were crowding you, everyone in the room was. Even though I wasn’t in the circle of people where it happened, I could see that you were just scared, lashing out because it was all too much. We shouldn’t have done that. Race sent me with an apology too. He shouldn’t have kicked you out, it wasn’t right of him. Plus, when David came back he told us all how stressed you were and sure, we were still angry but Jack. We didn’t know how upset you were. We love you. We just want you to be okay.”

Crutchie raised a hand and hesitantly put it on Jack’s shoulder. Jack looked at him and then looked away again. The sheer amount of care in Crutchie’s eyes was too much.

“Did-” Jack took a breath, “did Davey say anything else?” Crutchie shook his head.

“No, he just told us that you were upset and that you didn’t mean it.”

“That’s...that’s good,” Jack said, closing his eyes. “Crutch, I am so sorry. I’m so fucking sorry.” Jack’s voice broke and suddenly he was crying, tears streaming down his face. Crutchie maneuvered him into his arms, rubbing Jack’s back as he cried into Crutchie’s chest.

“It’s okay, Jack. It’s okay, everything is going to be fine.”

Jack cried and tried to get himself to believe him. He just wanted everything to be okay again.

 

**********

 

Jack took his finals. He spent about half a week after just recovering from all the stress he’d been under. He spent most of his time sleeping, a good bit of time painting. He’d finished his commissions and had enough money to not only pay rent but also to buy his friends some Christmas presents, even if they were small. Most importantly though, Jack didn’t go to any of the group activities.

It wasn’t like they hadn’t invited him. Hell, a lot of the guys had _encouraged_ him to go. He just….he didn’t know if he had the heart to face them all together. He’d apologized to everyone individually afterwards, even those who he hadn’t directly insulted. He hadn’t meant to ruin the night, and he knew he had to make things right. So he’d gone over to everyone’s place and laid himself bare, told them that he hadn’t been right recently and he was sincerely sorry for what he’d done. They’d all forgiven him and had offered to help him in anyway they could. This time, he appreciated their support. He was tired of pretending he had it all under control by himself. His friends were good to him, and he was grateful for them.

But there was one person he hadn’t apologized to in person. He’d sent Katherine over to Davey’s place to apologize for him, citing the excuse that he’d fucked up with Davey too bad to see him in person, which, all things considered, was fairly true. She hadn’t wanted to at first, had really fought against him, but eventually relented when she saw how desperate he was for her help.

Which brought him back to the fact that he hadn’t been to anything the group had done in a bit. He didn’t have the kind of courage it took to face Davey. He’d fucked up, he’d fucked up _so bad_. There was no way Davey would ever speak to him again, and Jack understood! He completely got it. He’d acted irrationally and inappropriately and Davey and him weren’t even friends in the first place! There was no way he’d forgive him and Jack would understand if Davey never wanted to talk to him again.

Despite how much he wanted to, Jack knew he couldn’t stay away from them forever, especially with Katherine involved.

It was a few days before winter break and Jack had been planning on staying home all day and pretending he didn’t exist. Katherine burst into his room without knocking, startling Jack half to death.

“Hey loser, we’re going over Elmer’s to watch The Polar Express and you’re coming.”

Jack tried to protest. “Kath, I-”

“Nope, no debate. You’re coming even if I have to drag you there.” She moved towards his closet and started looking through his clothes. “You really don’t have anything festive?”

Jack smiled. Katherine’s determination never failed to amaze him and lift his spirits. He shook his head slightly, getting up to join her in her search to find something appropriate to wear.

“I don’t, but I think I have a red and green flannel in here somewhere.”

“That would be _perfect_.”

Katherine excitedly pulled the clothes from his closet and made him change. It was already nearing evening. They had to leave soon if they wanted to make it on time.

They grabbed Crutchie before they left and headed out towards Elmer’s. Katherine and Crutchie were both talking animatedly beside him and Jack was grateful for the chatter. It meant he didn’t have to speak, and frankly, if he had tried, he might’ve actually thrown up from all his anxiety. He was scared, damn he was scared, but that didn’t mean he wasn’t excited. He’d missed everyone.

When he got to Elmer’s, he was greeted with Christmas decorations and hot chocolate essentially thrust into his hands. It was a whirlwind of people welcoming him and eating cookies and spending time with each other and Jack could not have been happier about it. He missed the chaos of a movie night, he really did.

It all went well. They’d watched the movie, some of them had exchanged gifts, but mostly they just talked and joked around and had fun. Jack had been so scared that things were going to be different but they weren’t. They were exactly the same as before and that really was a Christmas miracle.

Davey was there of course, because it didn’t make sense for him not to be. Jack saw him occasionally, milling about around the room, talking to people, having fun. Jack felt a pang in his chest every time he looked at him for more than a second but pushed it away. This was going to be a good night even if he had to force it to be.

Eventually it started to get late and the group started to steadily leave. Even Jack was more exhausted than he’d thought he’d be from talking to people. Crutchie decided he was going to spend the night over at Finch’s and Katherine had already left, so he said his farewells and started towards the door, planning to walk home alone.

He was ready and willing to end the night on a high note and go home, scared if he tried to talk to someone before he left he might say something stupid and ruin his night. His plan to escape quickly and go home was foiled by a light tap on his shoulder. Jack turned around. It was Davey, his hands stuffed into his pockets and his shoulders a bit raised, like he was tense, nervous. Jack totally understood; frankly he wasn’t even certain why Davey would even want to to talk to him.

“Hey, can we talk? I’ll walk with you back to your apartment if you want.”

Jack nodded dumbly, trying to keep his eyes from seeming too wide, too scared of the inevitable conversation. His mouth felt very dry all of the sudden, but he swallowed out of nervousness regardless.

“Yeah, let me just get my coat.”

Jack grabbed his coat, Davey put on his, and they walked out the door.

They walked for a bit in awkward silence. Jack didn’t know what to say, where to start. He was just as anxious as Davey seemed to be. Davey took a breath and cleared his throat, not looking at Jack.

“I’m sorry for pushing the other night. I should have respected that you didn’t want to talk about why you were upset.”

Jack shrugged, watching his feet as he walked. “It’s fine.”

He wanted to apologize. He wanted to say sorry for being an ass, sorry for having a panic attack, sorry for kissing you, sorry for _everything_. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t find the words. There was so much he wanted to say and he had no clue how to do it.

“I just wanted to let you know that I cared and I was there if you needed help,” Davey continued after a beat of silence. Jack huffed out a little laugh. Davey turned and gave him a little look of confusion. Jack glanced over before quickly turning back in front of him, focusing squarely on the pavement ahead of him.

“Davey, I don’t mean to sound rude but up until a few weeks ago I could have sworn you hated my guts. I mean, I don’t know how much you like me currently but it seems to be a bit less than hate. I just...I don’t know why you’d care all of the sudden.” Jack finished talking and looked over at him. Davey sighed and took a hand from his pocket, running it back through his hair.

“Yeah. Yeah I can see how you’d think that. I haven’t been the nicest guy to you, and I guess I should apologize for that too.” He took his other hand out of his pocket and made some motions: bringing his hand to his face and then away, running his hand through his hair again, forming his hands into fists and then quickly unclenching them, a series of false starts, anxiety bursting from his fingertips. He let out a frustrated laugh, his hands out in front of him.

“Jack, I’m not good at talking to people. I usually say the wrong thing and end up with my foot in my mouth. Things I say come across wrong or come out different than I’d intended them to or I just don’t know what to say. So, basically, what I’m trying to say I guess is that I’m sorry for fucking up every conversation we have.” He took a deep breath and looked over at Jack, trying to gauge a reaction.

Jack shook his head. “It’s fine, really Davey, it is. Believe me, I know what it’s like to fuck up.” Davey breathed out a shaky laugh, smiling just a little bit, turning back away. There was a moment where neither of them said anything. Then Davey continued.

“I was wrong about you. The first time we met, that is. And also for a few weeks after. You kind of checked me out at the swim meet? I mean, I think you did. I thought you did at the time at the very least, and I just kind of...shut down I guess. Closed off.” He glanced over at Jack, taking a deep breath before continuing. “I’ve never had much experience with dating. I had my first serious boyfriend my senior year of high school. He was nice and he was funny but he….he didn’t want to get to know me. Our relationship was based around him wanting to have sex and me wanting to- well I don’t know. Keep him? Make sure he was happy enough that he wouldn’t leave me? I’d just wanted to be with someone for so long that I was scared of losing him.

“So, that’s what I did for a year. I had sex with him and I pretended that he loved me and we acted like everything was fine until the year ended and he broke up with me the day before he left for college. Since then I haven’t really dated seriously. It’s not that I didn’t try, it was just guy after guy who wanted to hook up and leave and I can’t do that. I won’t do that. So that first day I met you, you checked me out and I just figured that you were like them, that you liked who I was with less clothes on more than you liked who I actually am.”

Davey stopped talking then, turning towards Jack. He waited a moment, then stopped walking. Jack slowed and then stopped too, staring at him.

“I was wrong, Jack. I was completely wrong and I’m sorry for being such a dick to you. I usually attract guys who are assholes and now I know you’re not. I see how you are with your friends, with everyone. You’re a genuine guy.” Davey laughed nervously, staring at the ground and looking as his hands, moving them around as he talked. “And after the baseball game...well I knew you weren’t interested in just hooking up with people. I was so embarrassed for assuming, for being so rude to you, for everything, that I just. I figured I’d lost all hope of trying to be friends with you. So yeah, I guess. That’s about as much explanation as I really have.”

Jack looked at him. He was sure his eyes were wide and his face probably looked shocked but if it did it was because he _was_. Davey rubbed the back of his neck. Jack snapped out of it long enough to hold Davey’s gaze, to respond.

“Davey I’m real sorry you went through something like that, and I assure you I never meant to come across that way. I mean, thank you for telling me, I really appreciate it because you didn’t have to but. Thank you. Sincerely.” Davey’s face was red and Jack wanted to say it was a blush but it was also fucking freezing out so he wouldn’t have been surprised if it had just been from the cold.

Jack jerked his head in the direction of his building, silently asking if they could keep walking. Davey nodded, starting to move again. They were practically there, the front steps in view. The walk to the door was silent, but for once, Jack actually felt it was more companionable than awkward. For once, he felt the anxiety in his chest lessen when he thought about Davey.

They reached the building but neither of them ascended the few steps to the door. They stood there a moment before Jack sat down on the top step, motioning for Davey to sit next to him. Davey hesitated, then sat down gingerly next to Jack. The steps weren’t especially wide, so they were sitting fairly close, their knees inches from bumping into each other. Jack took a breath, staring at his clasped hands in front of him

“I’m really sorry about….” he trailed off. “I wasn’t thinking. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable or anything, and I completely understand if you think it’s too weird to talk to me after what I did but I’d still really like to be friends. I’m just, sorry,” he exhaled, “for kissing you.” He added the last bit under his breath, like he was hoping he could just hide it somewhere in his apology and never had to address it again.

Davey was silent beside him. Jack risked a glance over at him, saw him biting his lip, looking torn, anxious.

“You shouldn’t be,” Davey said finally.

Jack’s heart leapt into his throat. There was no way.

“What?”

“You shouldn’t be sorry. For kissing me, that is.”

Jack’s mouth had found its way open, hanging low in shock. He wanted to answer, to ask, to say _something_ , but well? What could he even say?

Davey shot him a small smile, just the corner of his mouth kind of upturned, a hesitant response.

“I really tried to not like you, Jack. I tried to avoid you and I tried not to care but I just couldn’t. I saw how much you cared about those around you and I saw how much fun you are and you’re just so damn _pretty_ ,” he said. “You just kept pulling me in Jack, even though I didn’t want to be. You’re just kind of inescapable, inevitable. You’re like, I don’t know. Gravity or something. And I wouldn’t really mind having a do-over…..on that kiss.”

Davey was looking at him, biting his lip again, a questioning look in his eyes. Jack gave him a smile, a genuine smile, a smile that turned itself into a full scale grin. Davey saw it and smiled back, looking relaxed and relieved and excited and Jack would give anything to see him this happy all the time.

He moved toward him, just a bit, Davey matching his movements. As they leaned in, Jack felt his eyelids flutter shut, anticipating the touch of Davey’s lips to his. They connected, softly, hesitantly, just the barest of touches. Jack was a man of many things, but patience was not one of them. He pressed their lips together fully, relishing the way Davey melted into it. He brought a hand to Davey’s face, gingerly cuping his cheek. Davey sighed against his mouth, his hand finding its way to Jack’s arm. They kissed and suddenly it felt like everything just fell into place.

They broke apart but didn’t pull out of each other’s space. Jack couldn’t stop himself from grinning. He didn’t open his eyes, just rested his forehead against Davey’s, breathing out a laugh. He felt Davey give a similar laugh in response before he felt the pressure against his head move away.

He opened his eyes and Davey was looking at him, face full of sincerity.

“Do you want to go out sometime? On a proper date where we don’t make fools of ourselves every five seconds,” Davey asked.

Jack’s grin never left his face.

“Yeah,” he answered. “Yeah, I think I’d really like that.”

Davey moved back towards him and shifted so his head was on Jack’s shoulder. Jack put his arm around him and rested his head on top of Davey’s. It was December and night time and freezing, but Jack couldn’t feel any of it. He felt warmth spreading throughout his chest and for the first time in a long time, Jack felt happy. Truly, genuinely happy. He stared out into the night and felt like it might actually be a good thing to be in love. He felt like he might be able to stay right there forever.


	7. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm done! I finished it!!! This chapter is very short but I still like it lol.

It was early afternoon and Jack was lying on Davey’s couch. There was sunlight streaming in through the window and outside it Jack could see the branches of trees starting to become less bare, their leaves growing back. Spring was slowly forcing out the chill of winter and Jack couldn’t be more excited for it. His head was resting in Davey’s lap, who was reading above him, ignoring the little noises Jack was making to draw his attention.

“Daaaavveeeeyyyyyy,” Jack whined, not for the first time. He stared up at him, though from his position he was mostly just staring at the back of the book. “Stop reading, I’m more important.” 

“I’m an English major, Jack. I have to read.”

“But I’m here and I want attention.”

“I give you plenty of attention.”

“But you’re not giving me any right now and if I don’t get some soon I think I might die.”

Davey sighed and closed his book, moving his hand so he could run his fingers through Jack’s hair.

“You’re a real pain in the ass, you know that?”

“Yeah, but you love it.”

Davey hummed in agreement, giving Jack a little smile. “You’re right, I do. But that doesn’t mean I’m going to stop reading.” He picked his book back up and purposefully moved his leg so that Jack was forced to sit up.

“Ughhhhh, why.”

“I like books, and I like English. I also have to read to get a degree so I can teach it someday.”

“Oh, you’d be perfect for that job.” Jack rested his head on Davey’s shoulder.

“What do you mean?”

“A hot, young English teacher that makes all the students swoon, boys and girls alike? Funny and charming _and_ smart? You’ll have the whole school falling over you.”

Davey snorted out a laugh, turning the page.

“Sure, yeah. A lanky nerd who drives all the guys crazy.”

“Okay, the definition of your abs makes it illegal for you to call yourself lanky. It’s appropriation of lanky culture, really.”

“Jack, you’re not lanky in the slightest.”

“Well yeah, you’re not appropriating me. I was obviously talking about Race.”

Davey laughed and Jack grinned up at him from his place in his lap. He was so happy, here and now, with spring just around the corner and Davey at his side. He looked over at him and saw the love in Davey’s eyes, the admiration, the care. Jack could’ve died in that moment and never have been happier.

“Don’t forget that we’re going on a double date with Kath and Sarah later,” Jack said. Davey groaned.

“It’s going to be weird, she’s my sister. Who goes on dates with their sister?”

“You do because we’ve been planning on dinner with them for ages and haven’t gotten around to it.”

Davey rolled his head over to look at Jack. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Plus, I haven’t been over yet to see their rings.”

“I still can’t get over the fact that they proposed at the same time.” Davey shrugged.

“Lesbians do that, it happens more often than you might expect.”

“Doesn’t stop it from being absolutely hilarious.”

“You’re right.”

Jack tilted his head up and gave Davey a kiss on his cheek before moving to get up. As he did, however, Davey grabbed one of his hands and pulled him back over to him, bringing him close. Davey gave him a kiss on his lips and squeezed his hand once. He then let go and allowed Jack to get up again, without interruption this time. Jack headed towards the kitchen but stopped before he left the room.

He looked at Davey and smiled a small, private smile. Sunlight was hitting his face and he was now sprawled out on the couch, still reading. Jack couldn’t help but think about how lucky he was to be in love with the most beautiful boy, how amazing it was that they’d gotten together in the first place. He let himself take in the picture of the man in front of him and catalogued it in his head to try and paint later. If there was one thing he knew about the painting it was that it would be the most peaceful and beautiful painting he’ll have ever done. It would be perfect. Everything was just perfect.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WOWZERS this was not only the longest thing I've ever written but it's also the fastest I've ever written a chaptered fic??? Wild. I can't believe I actually managed to get it all up before I started school lol. Once again my tumblr is @[broadwait](https://broadwait.tumblr.com/). I don't have much else to say so [here's](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ouH5s_XUWNU) a video of ben fankhauser singing a song that perfectly embodies me when I post any sort of fic lmao. I had a ton of fun writing this and I hope y'all liked it!!!


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